Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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