and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
