she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
