I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it fun? or sober?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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