Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
