I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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