My nipple is on Facebook.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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