My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
