after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This baby is an asshole
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
