Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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