this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
