If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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