every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
