Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I puked a lego.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
