Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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