it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
