thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
