My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
