just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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