Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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