dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
