You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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