How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
