I think i peed on brittanys purse
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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