i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
