uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
