I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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