But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
