It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
