8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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