He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
