i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
