I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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