What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too