Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry

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(781): btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry http://tfl.nu/6odg

Replies (7) Good night (911) Bad night (2442)
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(248): View more from Michigan

so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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(248): so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders http://tfl.nu/1b2g

Replies (21) Good night (4411) Bad night (1113)
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(240): View more from Maryland

taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

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(240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3

Replies (36) Good night (8826) Bad night (709)
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(253): View more from Washington

Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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(253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr

Replies (37) Good night (1164) Bad night (5399)
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(516): View more from New York

You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

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(516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019

Replies (20) Good night (3457) Bad night (961)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?

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(732): like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers? http://tfl.nu/ohng

Replies (7) Good night (2360) Bad night (844)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.

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(978): I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/wamv

Replies (11) Good night (2538) Bad night (1270)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

(414): View more from Wisconsin

I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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(907): Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed" (414): I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/3884

Replies (19) Good night (1146) Bad night (2303)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio

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(651): Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio http://tfl.nu/cnyx

Replies (6) Good night (988) Bad night (602)
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(805): View more from California

how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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(805): how many dildos make it a "collection?" http://tfl.nu/3sue

Replies (12) Good night (1517) Bad night (1003)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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(312): Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing http://tfl.nu/oxks

Replies (8) Good night (1315) Bad night (376)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?

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(630): I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up? http://tfl.nu/45h3

Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (658)
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(785): View more from Kansas

U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick

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(785): U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick http://tfl.nu/it39

Replies (7) Good night (1347) Bad night (254)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.

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(651): i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again. http://tfl.nu/awxi

Replies (2) Good night (308) Bad night (459)
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(951): View more from California

Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."

(713): View more from Texas

Well thank god i want six autographed copies

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(951): Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles." (713): Well thank god i want six autographed copies http://tfl.nu/b8sw

Replies (3) Good night (492) Bad night (442)

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