I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
wow bdsm is so cute