Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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