I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.