are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
