But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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