No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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