I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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