the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
