Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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