I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
