How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
