you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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