So drunk its hurt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
