as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
