hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
