If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
