have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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