I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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