i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
