So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
