nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
