Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
