Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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