So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
