I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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