I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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