it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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