So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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