i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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