fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
