too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
