I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
