The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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