I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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