Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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