I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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